Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
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