We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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