its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
