I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He shit in the fireplace
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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