I heard we made out
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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