I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
