Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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