dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
