Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
