i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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