Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
tell me about the eggs
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
