My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize