Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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