Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize