next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize