At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Randomize
