Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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