too bad you live with your parents still
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
