Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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