wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
