I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
