I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
