the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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