i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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