my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I lost the right to judge tonight
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
