I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
