What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Its about making memories worth repressing
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
