WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
