The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
