I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
