There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
