Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
