he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
