please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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