if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
