Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
