She's JV to your varsity
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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