i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
