I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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