I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
