I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
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