I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
