I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
