i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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