just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
