so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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