16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
