Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
