I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
