I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
