She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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