Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
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