We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I AM VODKA MAN
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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