Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
