I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
pop tarts are not kleenex
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
