I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
