i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
