someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
