I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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