there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
