That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
