I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
