she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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