If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
