I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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