kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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