Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
We're facebook friends in real life
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
