Plan B is the new Plan A
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
