We're like a lot better than the average bears
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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