Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
