I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
