Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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